So here I am going into year 3 of my retirement. I always got up to be a teacher very early. I can’t sleep now. I still have to get up. I get confused because there is no one telling me what to do. I can’t seem to get started on anything.
I think that the guilt comes from the fact that when I was a teacher, I knew in my heart that I was helping people. I don’t know. Service to students isn’t always appreciated but I just believed that everyone wanted just what I wanted…crazy right? Still, I managed to fool myself for over 25 years.
Today in church, during a study of Phillipians, I was challenged to continue to do my work as long as God keeps me in this body. This seems to be helping me to clarify my life. Yes, I still want to be at the pool everyday. Yes, I still want to ride my bicycle everyday. Yes, I want to make music…(this is my biggest challenge even though I was a music teacher.) The fact is that I want to enjoy it…guilt free.
I have to be productive. I have to be guilt free. I have to help people. I have to feel relevant. Maybe then, the guilty feeling will go away. I’ll keep you posted.